On the LAm: Carmen Cabrera
Name: Carmen Cabrera
Hair: Black
Eyes: Brown
Height: 5′ 4″
Weight: 135 pounds
Date of Birth: 11/14/60
Wanted For: Murder
After a long-term romance with Carmen Cabrera, her boyfriend decided to call it off. Wrong move. The 39-year old mamacita, armed with a .38 Special, ended the relationship on her own terms.
If you’re a guy in a longterm relationship with a woman in her late 30s, whatever you do, do not break up with her. Marry her or wait it out until she realizes she should dump your sorry ass. But DO NOT BREAK UP WITH HER. She will murder you.
If it’s been three years and you haven’t made a move, she’s already plotting your death. Play the “it’s not you, it’s me” card and you may escape with a quick and painless execution. Explain how you met a 22-year old who really understands you and your demise will make the torture scene from Reservoir Dogs look like a Muppet Babies tea party.
“SHE WILL MURDER YOU”
ha ha. oh man, you guys are so funny.
watch your back. — carmen
Thanks, c. I should have also pointed out that the band .38 Special is still together and curently on tour.
this crazy bitch is cousins with lorena bobbit
Against the advice of the LAPD I tried to apprehend the perp myself by luring her in with my salsa dance. I managed to escape with minor cuts and bruises and a new dance move to boot.
It’s usually a good idea to do the opposite of whatever the LAPD asks.