The Quest for Superdongburrito
I was referred this burrito by a new food referral service my wireless provider is piloting. You text what type of food you like and your ZIP, and up to four recommendations are then SMS relayed to your phone or Treo. In this case I entered keywords “cheap” “gigantic” “mexican” “pornographic” “carnitas” and was returned El Atacor #11 in Lincoln Heights. Here is the review, transcribed verbatim from my Treo:
EL ATACOR RESTAURANT
2622 N Figueroa St
Los Angeles, CA 90065
(323) 441-8477This 24 hour restaurant and carry-out which we lovingly refer to as “porno burrito” is at the corner of Avenue 26 and Figueroa, right around the corner from the Lincoln Heights Metro Goldline stop. The food is wonderful and exceptionally cheap. Make sure you ask for the “Super Burrito” when you go. The other burritos are fine, but the Super Burrito is what earned this shop it’s nickname. Choose your beverage from the standing case (which includes Mexican sodas such as Jarritos, Sangria and Cidral, along with beer) and park your butt in a booth in the back to catch up on all the current Telenovelas which are showing on two tvs. Oddly, the jukebox will intermittently blare banda music, which is quirky, but annoying if you’re following along with the novella or trying to peacefully digest.
Soon, someone will walk back with a burrito that will make you blush. It’s an enormous flaccid thing that’s at least 5 inches around hangs off both sides of your plate like some kind of pornographic prop. If you take a couple of these to go, you’ll feel like you’re carrying a bowling ball. One of these Super Burritos will set you back $4.99 ($5.49 now – ed) but they easily feed three. Where else can you feed three or four people at 4 am for 5 dollars?
Aside from the 4am bit I can prettymuch vouch for every other word in the review. These people know their food. Let me know if you would like to join the pilot program; I am beta testing it at present. We need a few more testers. Email: Giantdongburritos_to_phones at losanjealous for details.
I’ve had bigger. IN MY MOUTH.
Pedro: Based on a firm, rigid length measurement (girth notwithstanding), I’m convinced El Atacor #11’s Superdongburrito has El Tepeyac beat in size. That said, I have no official measurements of the monstrosity at Al & Bea’s in Boyle Heights as of this writing. Where have you had bigger, and what was the cost (financially? emotionally?) -R
It was at a horrible burrito joint in Joliet, IL.
Did you ask restaurant associate to ROLL!! burrito?
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