O! The Things You Will Eat
Not long ago, We said:
Losanjealous has an immediate opening for a strong-stomached intern. Must be willing to be subjected to occasionally dangerous foodstuffs. Ideal candidate should be able to shrug off ostensible humiliations and boorishness with aplomb. E-mail for details.
Applicant #1 was a student at USC and a skilled photographer. He/she wanted to write about cupcakes. We don’t generally write about cupcakes, and not just because they’re overblown and full of fat (the same could be said about me). We’re having a hard enough time getting Mair to stick to mac and cheese, as it is. Generally speaking the focus is on dodgy shacks and ethnic foods. Burritos. Tacos. Organ-based soups. We’re comfortable here.
Ok. Here’s your assignment. You are to go to John o’Groat’s for breakfast. It is on Pico near Rancho Park, bordering West LA. You are to eat breakfast there. I always drive by and point at it and say, “Oh, there’s John oâ’Goat’s. Look at the people waiting for a table…”
You are to request the Goat after being seated. Three times you are to ask if they serve Goat. If they actually serve goat, do not order it. Finally, you can order whatever you like. Photos and writing are key. Do some research on what the signature dishes are supposed to be; don’t take John o’Goat’s word for it.
Applicant #1 was never heard from again.
Applicant #2 sounded promising. A Duke graduate, he/she claimed to have the “stomach of a goat.” Fitting, given the last (admittedly foolish) assignment. Looked ideal on paper.
[Redacted], thank you for your interest in writing for losanjealous. Let’s get down to brass tacks here. We would like you to go to both Carney’s, Sunset Strip and Carney’s, Ventura Blvd on the same day and compare/contrast the two, including clientele, decor, parking, food. Must include photographic proof of two carney’s receipts on the same day.
Applicant #2 said: Ø
Applicant #3 looked very, very promising. He/she claimed to polish off a sandwich after finding tinfoil to be one of the ingredients.
It may be of import to note that Jeannette was placed in charge of interns before #3 applied. She responded thusly:
Thank you for your recent inquiry on the losanjealous.com food critic internship. Our army of interns… food gladiators if you will, go boldly where other food bloggers dare not. You won’t be reading about any damned 20 minute wait in line with the likes of Nicole Richie or Jimmy Kimmel for a damned $4.00 cupcake at Sprinkles, ok? If you think you have what it takes, here’s your weekend test assignment. There’s a very authentic taco place in a strip mall on the southwest corner of Sunset and Coronado in Silver Lake / Echo Park. You are to go to this establishment and order and review a minimum of three (3) tacos. One of the three tacos must be one of the following:
You will submit your review (along with a few digital photos) by Monday. This is your assignment if you choose to take it.
Remember that skill in taking your digital photos will also float you to the top of the intern heap.
So will being smart enough to BYOB.
I salivate just thinking about your upcoming review.
Applicant #3 actually replied. Requesting specifically “west side” assignments.
Damn it intern. You’re already going against the grain.
Westside it is, but you will be asked to go on midtown/eastside excursions on occasion. Please give a write-up of Chihuahua, the taqueria on Olympic at cloverfield, within three days’ time. Same rules apply.
Applicant #3 was never heard from again and eventually I had to go review goddam soon-to-be-closing-if-it-isn’t-closed-already Chihuahua’s my good goddamself.
Requests for crappy food excursions are literally flooding the inbox following the recent chinese food writeup. My stomach can’t hack; I’ve got three pulsing ulcers as it is. One’s new, just this year.
We. Need foodies. With strong stomachs, a sense of humor and the desire to try new things. Said desire is key. Must be willing to be subjected to occasionally dangerous foodstuffs. Ideal candidate should be able to shrug off ostensible humiliations and boorishness with aplomb. But really, we’re not this mean in person.
Finally, we want Eat Street members. If somebody wants to step up and be a hall-of-famer with elite status, that would be grounds for immediate hire.