The Losanjealous Intern Class of 2006: SuperFoodFriends, Unite!
Ladies and gentlemen of the jazz jury! It is time, at last, to reveal the official Losanjealous SuperFoodFriends lineup. In the days, weeks and months to come this group of interns-cum-superheroes will be personally visiting hand-picked culinary destinations throughout the city of Losanjealous, placing pen to papyrus and documenting their experiences for your entertainment, information and general well-being.
To put it another way: Don’t expect to see reviews of cupcakes. Do expect to find the honest truth about LA’s treasure trove of head tacos, tripe-based soups and blood sausages. Rest easy, denizens: The SuperFoodFriends are watching your back and consuming the foods you dare not.
When highlighted, the “SS” column below represents a proven Strong Stomach at press time. If I were a gambling man, however, and I am, I wouldn’t put my money against any of the eight…
|Name||Logo||Special Power||Notes / Last Seen||SS?|
|Intern Shane||Stunning tie collection||Shane came out of the gate strong in ’06 by finding a proxy eater to finish his six-chiliburger challenge. Believed to be based in Little Armenia, Shane eats the city one assignment at a time, immaculately dressed. Look for big things to come from Camp Shane in ’06.|
|Phil the Intern||Immune to all manner of ethnic foods. Rumored to have an undisclosed Achilles Heel “kryptonite” consumed in a third world country that he will never, ever eat again||Phil was last spotted at the savory-smelling walk-in closet known as Phillip’s BBQ in Leimert Park. It is unclear whether or not Phil walked out with succulent ribs alongside a few pairs of pants. Expect big things. Very big things from Phil in ’06. Particularly in August. I predict August will be the Month Of The Phil.||?|
|Capt. “The Receptacle” Tim
aka “The Receptacle”
aka “The Captain”
aka “Cap’n Tim The Receptacle: Tim”
|Can and will eat anything. Including your car. Where is your car?||Ladies and gentlemen don’t get me started on The Receptacle. I have a feeling this man will eat anything you put in front of him, including tire irons. Big hopes for The Receptacle. Cap’n Tim was last spotted in the vicinity of Chavez Ravine scoping out the venerable Dodger Dogs and attempting to score a gross of 45-cent tacos. Let us hope and pray his editor gets his articles up soon, lest The Receptacle grows impatient and eats the website.|
|Samosa Mel||Able to eat 700 samosas in one day, if absolutely necessary||Little is known about the sultry enigma who goes by the moniker Samosa Mel. What is known is that she is a personal chef who has never been known to shy away from a potential congregation of transvestites. It is rumored she has tried over 3,500 varietals of samosas in the past ten years and that she travels extensively throughout Eurasia, constantly mining the latest trends in mint chutney and coriander. Mel is rumored to front as a Luqmi purveyor in Hyderabad when not in Los Angeles. One of her personal goals for ’06 is to consume more head tacos than Mar Vista Pete.||?|
|NoSmell Bob||No sense of smell||Born with a rare case of congenital anosmia that renders his sense of smell obsolete, NoSmell is a fearless food junkie. He is not immune to the powers of the chile pepper, refuses to eat mayonnaise, and was last spotted near the downtown Greyhound station in search of that next meal. The man travels a dusty albeit mayonnaise- and scent-free road few would dare to gaze upon, let alone tread. Will 2006 be the Year of the NoSmell?||?|
|BBQ Eecue||Macro zoom lenses, steel-reinforced esophagus||Chances are good you already know the ’cue. What local website doesn’t he write for at this point? From the rolling hills of Elysian to the rumbling warehouses off Alameda, the man lives and breathes online Los Angeles. ’Cue proved his stomach’s strength by firewalking Orochon Level 2 at bLA earlier this year. When not spending quality time with his fiance, the ’cue can be found in ethnic restaurants and is virtually guaranteed to be spotted at all things involving drum ’n bass in the city of Losanjealous.|
|Spiked Soda, aka Intern Spike||Holds local record for downing an Original Marty’s Combo consisting of a hamburger, hot dog, chili, cheese, pastrami and bacon sandwich with a side of cheese fries and a full third of cherry pie||Spike was last seen charging a Pregnant Burrito…at press time, we’re just hoping Spike didn’t get knocked up in the process. Keep your eyes constantly peeled for Spike, aka #9, at taco stands on the rim of the lovely Pacific Ocean. Chances are you’ll see Spike more often than the dolphins.||?|
|Invisible Mike||Invisibility||Invisible Mike was last spotted en route to a legendary pizza joint in Eagle Rock. He may well be my favorite intern as he has the power to disappear and thusly requires no editing or uploads. Keep your eyes peeled for dozens – nay, hundreds – of invisible entries in ’06.||?|