On the LAm, OC Edition: The Enormous Ears Bandit
Hair: Unknown
Eyes: Unknown
Height: 5′08″
Ears: Enormous
Weight: 160 pounds
Age: 20-30
Wanted For: Bank Robbery
The suspect enters the bank and using a demand note asks for “Fiftys and Hundreds”. Tellers may not hear a word he says because they will be transfixed on his enormous ears. He simulates a weapon by putting his hand near his hip. Again bank employees might not even notice due to the suspect’s distractingly enormous ears. He then puts the money into his front pant pocket and flees on foot. Observers will wonder 1) how much wind resistance his enormous ears must be causing, 2) how he manages not to trip over his enormous ears, or 3) both. He is believed to be in the area, possibly living in mo–HOLY CHRIST I CAN’T GET OVER HOW FUCKING ENORMOUS HIS EARS ARE!!!
God dammit. Jordan Farmar gets drafted by the Lakers and all is well, but he decides to pull something like this? Argh!
McFerrins are known for huge ears–including our including our cousins we don’t acknowledge in polite company, who hide theirs behind dreadlocks. Perhaps the Enormous Ears Bandit is a distant relative.
geez, i thought this was made up. i seriously feel bad for the guy. even the wanted flyer is humiliating this feature he cant do anything about (ok, don’t start). that’s gotta suck!
if i saw that guy walking into a bank i was working at i would call for help immediately! beyond suspicious appearance. not even mike tyson would take a bite out of those.