Calling All DJs @ Avalon

’CallingHola queridos amigos, como esTAMos???!!! We are doing quite well thanx to your Starryness, who just got a little, oh, billet-douxxx from the hotmeisters at CLUB 82 that lip-reads as follows:

To celebrate our third and best bash to date we are throwing a private party to remember in the Jerry Lewis Townhouse.

(Unlike when Jerry was there ZZZZZZZZZZING!!!)

This month’s CLUB 82 CALLING ALL DJS will feature main room DJ sets by UK dance floor gurus Freeform Five (featured in Mylo’s “Musclecars”, “No More Conversations”) plus Blake from Moving Units, Paul V. (host of Indie 103.1’s “Smashmix” and “Neon Noise”), Acid Girls and a special live set by Suicide Club presented by Morphine Generation. Guests in the main room will be treated to $5.00 drink specials before 11:00PM and $1 dollar Dewars. Sean Patrick will host the I.D.E.A. VIP Lounge inside Honey. CLUB 82 CALLING ALL DJS is presented by Indie 103.1 and Keith Wilson (Club Moscow , Le Disko), Sean Patrick (Social Hollywood, The Bar), and Preston Gaspaar will host this all-out party.

But let me back up (loves saying that!) and tell you why Starry had to let off some steam. Just that morning she had gone to see a fan5astic movie whoze title she can’t mention (Starryz continuing legal izzues, sigh “;[). But she can say it was a number, and she won’t say what number, but it’s a GREAT price for a pair of bootz! Anyway, the movie was set in olden dayz when men were men and centaurs were nervous. Your Starrz was verrry pleased to discover that 290+ Chippendales saved civilization from the world’s most evil Gay Pride parade. Needless to say everybody in the damn thing was on the Atkins and all those six-paxxx made Starry thirsty!!!

So here we izzle, in the VIP line at the Avalon. Guess? whoz not paying 5$ bitchez? That’s cat litter money that stays in Starry’s faux-Chloe clutch, thank u. And that’s fine b/c the 1$ Dewars were 5$ as advertized. Loves Club 82, we know you tried. What else. Suicide Club was OK but I think they need to raise their entrance standards. And Jerry Lewis Townhouse? Coulda been the Shari Lewis Doghouse, nobody knowz, cuz nobody wuz gettin let in. Lambchop told the rope-man “no entrada chicoz” Que lazzztima. . . .

But here I am, bitchin’ about false advertizing, without which there would be no Starry! I take my Bailey’s and Red Bull (Ovaltine and cigarette butts, a delicious way to honor St. PatriX) and tip-toe to the dancefloor. Fi5st impressionz? Lots of looks, lots of luv. The music was pumpin’, ladiez wuz bumpin’, fellaz was krumpin’. Starryz happy. But remember she’z an expert eventer. Partying with professionals can be hazardous to your se7f-e5teem. With that in mind, your Starry has devised a simple chart to help you stand out in a throbbing meatlocker of style.

Starry Knightz’z Foolproof Fashion Matrixxx, Winter ’07’ronaldinho_o_9.jpg’’sweathogs.jpg’

Axxesories Style Profilez
Empire dress Burt Reynolds
clamdiggers Luke Skywalker
bandana Denise Austin
Pony hi-tops “The Sweathogs”
raccoon tail Queequeg
H2O2 “Yearbook Photo”
75¢ T-shirt Alexander Pushkin
shoulder blades Ronaldinho
Parfums de Coeur Maria Callas
ancient Greek head belts “Sonny” Crockett
Daniel Boone

It’s E-Z. Pick two items from the first column and one from the second. Shake well and serve over suckaz.

ex. (clamdiggers + braces) x Luke Skywalker = the cutie right in front of me rockin’ the mashed potatoes!!!

But B careful! Not all fashion factors are made alike!

ex. (bandana + Pony hi-tops) x Sonny Crockett = Black Eyed Please!

But oh my goodness! It’s 11:46 and Starry’z still seeing single! Gotta get to the bar b4 well-drinks go up to 28$! C you next tyme, mijos, and remember. . .don’t remove the price tag!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ET CETERAZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!