IF I were to ask you–and I’m not saying that I will ask you, but I’m just speaking hypothetically here–which ubiquitous steakhouse chain restaurant is presently owned by an Australia-based private equity firm, you would–after initially saying, “Why the hell are you asking that? Keep your eyes on the road, you idiot”–likely guess “Uh, Outback,” right? Because nothing quite says “Down Under” like Outback Steakhouse, right? BUT you would be wrong, dead wrong–as wrong as you have ever been about anything in your miserable life. (Outback, ironically, is owned by Florida-based OSI Restaurant Partners, LLC.)
No, it’s SIZZLER. SIZZLER–beloved comfortable well-lit temple of budget friendly surf & turf, Double Malibu Chicken, endless* shrimp, “salad bars” that serve up sweet swirls of soft-serve, and, last but not least, famous cheese toast, physics-defyingly soft and yielding on one side–yet crisp and crunchy on the other (how do they do it?!)–has in fact been under Australian ownership since 2005.
But this can–and must–change. News comes that the Australian Pacific Equity Partners has put Sizzler on the sales block.
Let the campaign begin here. Sizzler–founded right here in Culver City in 1958 by Del and Helen Johnson–must come back home and once again be owned by a proper States-based company, as it should be. God bless Sizzler and God bless America.
*Based on personal experience, “endless” is not to be interpreted literally.
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