Beloved sub sandwich shack, Roll Inn Sandwich, frequently affectionately referred to by UCLA undergrads as “Buck Fiddy” for its one-time $1.50 (pre-tax) sandwiches was found dead today on Gayley Avenue in Westwood Village, a “For Lease” sign hanging it its window.

As a reliable late night purveyor of alcohol-sopping subs to stumbling drunkards emerging from nearby Maloney’s after last call, the Roll Inn maintained a foothold in the area even as their prices gradually crept upwards from the 12-bit offerings of their glory days. It upgraded its exterior facade to a White Stripesy candy cane theme, added catering service, and expanded its menu, adding even a bulgogi beef sub. They even installed some of those needles you put on the roof to deter pigeons from landing and shitting you. Even with these improvements, its ramshackle shack sprit was in its bones, kind of like a girl that loses a lot of weight but you can still sort of see the fat girl in them.

For a local business that has hung on in the historically difficult retail climate of Westwood Village for upwards of a decade, the passing may come as a shock. Pending an autopsy, the precise date and cause of its demise was not known.

»continue reading UCLA Westwood Village’s Roll Inn Sandwich a.k.a. “Buck Fiddy” Found Dead

I could be wrong, but I don’t think we’ve done a straight-ahead bar review on these pages since June 2006, back when wayward contributor Annie mouthed off about the Spotlight and Bar 107. Drumroll, new bar just opened, here goes nothing.

WHAT I AM WRITING ABOUT
Stinkers Truck Stop

WHY IT IS NOTEWORTHY
Stinkaz (can I get informal here?) is themed as a truck stop, and it “soft opened” (hold – how does a bar “soft open” again? Further, isn’t liquor by definition “hard” ? .. ) last Thursday. Stinkahs has mounted skunk asses on the walls. The asses spray mist on your head while you drink. Stinkezs also has a CB apparatus and a terribly loud truck horn (warning). Apparently Stinkuz also has Stinkers Ale (or similar) but they were out when we visited last Monday. Stinkers is brought to you by the man behind Bigfoot Lodge, Little Cave and Saints and Sinners. You know…theme bars. Stinkers has also been Thrillisted, Eaten and Metromixed in the last week or two so I will be brief.

WHAT I AM WATCHING WHILE I AM WRITING THIS
The Replacements on HBOHD featuring Keanu Reeves, Pat Summerall and Gene Holy Jesus Would You Look At That Juicy Mustache Hackman. Exactly how in the Christ do movies like this get made!? More pressing, why am I all of 70 minutes deep?

»continue reading Five Second Bar Review: Stinkers (Silver Lake)

»continue reading Beverly Boulevard Transplant “Kowboyz” Western Shack On New Life In Santa Fe

Thou Shalt Enjoy Live Music in Santa Monica Confines No Longer…

Temple Bar shuts its door end of September, further bolstering Santa Monica’s longstanding general disapproval of quality live music. Whether or not all of the acts previously booked on the west side will continue to crowd Little Temple (Silverlake; same owners) remains to be seen.

TEMPLE BAR: THE FINAL OFFERINGS
» The Soul of John Black Mon 9/29
» Farewell party w/Seneca; hosted by Carlos Niño (Dublab; KPFK Spaceways radio, Build an Ark, etc) with “Very Special Guests” Tues 9/30

» Myspace: The Soul of John Black
» Myspace: Fill The Heart Shaped Cup (Carlos Niño; Miguel Atwood-Ferguson)

The sign itself is modest, muted behind tinted glass, belying the certain impact the contents of its message are soon to reak upon a neighborhood and retail district. It is a simple banner, somewhere between the sort you might make at Kinko’s for a birthday party and one you might hang over an aircraft carrier deck to celebrate the victorious end of the Iraq war, bearing four words in happy fonts that simultaneously elicit giddy anticipation from prospective shoppers while striking the fear of God into the very hearts of Westwood Village food and drug retailers: Trader. Joe’s. Coming. Soon.

»continue reading New Trader Joe’s Taking Shape in UCLA Westwood Village Area

As it turns out most people just want coffee, without a side of smaller coffee. Prime square footage on Western, spitting distance from both the Wiltern and the city’s kookiest KFC. Still available at press time! What should the next business call itself? Choose from the list below or throw your choice into the comments…

• Coffee & Coffee (& Coffee)
• Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee
• Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee, & Coffee & Coffee
• Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee & Coffee
• Just Fucking Coffee
• Sears
• AutoZone
• 1 and 2
• 1, 2 and 3
• All of the above
• None of the above

Above: A forgettable shithole on Melrose seemingly remodels itself following months of unnoticed downtime

While you were busy not giving a shit, The Gig (7302 Melrose Avenue, Hollywood, CA 90046) quietly (assumed) folded its doors some time ago. Last updated in December, the venue’s online calendar shows the dreaded tell-tale smattering of “TBA” slots in those final days, with the last confirmed rock act listed being Shaka Buku. Congrats, Shaka Buku! You may yet in fact become the last band in history to have erroneously believed that playing a gig at the venerable surprisingly longstanding Melrose hellhole loosely, if not longingly, dubbed “The Gig” could potentially further your career in some capacity.

We blame you not for failing to notice the venue’s closure (it took us six months). Hell, Wikipedia lists the last time in history anybody gave a shit about something taking place at The Gig as being March 10, 1988. (Let’s be fair, the aforementioned passage requires citation and the club has only been around since 1998 or so.) The venue’s official myspace page is unfortunately of little help at present, advising that “front patio” renovations should be completed prior to March 2008. (Is that what’s going on inside there?)

All snarkiness aside, the closure is bound to have a negative impact on the local music scene and, broader, the city at large, as bands who were previously booked no questions asked just bring some friends at The Gig diligently and painfully find the booking policies considerably more rigid at competing clubs and, as a result, the respective band members become severely embittered, directly translating into poor attitudes at day jobs, ultimately translating into somebody getting short-shrifted out of an espresso shot by a pissed-off member of Shaka Buku behind the counter over at Starbucks Hollywood. After the jump, our recommendation for the new Melrose public facing.
»continue reading Gig Gutted

The Great Book of Los Angeles Locksmith Shacks is nearing completion, but our photography is still lacking. You can help! Have a photo of a Los Angeles-based locksmith shack to share? Send it to me, or upload it to the Los Angeles Locksmith Shack group on Flickr today. My five favorite submissions within the next two weeks will all receive one random, all-new cd (nothing cruddy – scout’s honor) from the Losanjealous music library. You will also be notified of compensation options, should your submission eventually be chosen for offline publication. Godspeed.

» What is a Locksmith Shack?
» Where might I find a Locksmith Shack?
» Locksmith Shacks: Are they dangerous?

Coachella Prince-inclusive poster watching. I’m in the thick of it, man. I’m waist deep in that shit. When Prince was first announced we had the gaping hole. Next, we had the hole shored up with a loaded Prince symbol pointing at the Johnson. Today, the third official Prince-inclusive Coachella poster spotted over at Coachella.com has all three headliners right up there at the top, where they belong. But wait! What’s this? Prince gets his unpronouncable-in-any-tongue symbol, Roger gets a “Dark Side of the Moon” preface, yet Jack gets diddly-squat above his name? I’m Jack Johnson, I’m laid back, no preface needed? Say it isn’t so. I would like to see a tiny pair of reversed white cartoon flip-flops above the name, please. That, or “Playing His Hit Songs from the Curious George Soundtrack” would look mighty fine up top as well. Your choice and you still have time to squeeze out one more poster before Friday, guys. Let’s do this. (BONUS TIP: Jack goes to the left. The other two headliners rotate to the right and then you have all three headliners actually under their respective performance dates…)

» DEVELOPING: Coachella Poster-Makers Shore Up Gaping Hole
» Coachella Website Unveils New Lineup Poster With Prince, Gaping Hole

My thanks to Sung, whose eagle eye found today’s iteration

I do not know when the Centaur first arrived in Venice Beach. I do know that He is there now, and He is on the rooftop. To be sure, we’ve a not inconsiderable number of large-scale additions newly assembled and clamoring for the unsuspecting pedestrian’s eyeball atop El Bordello Alexandra. Witness: an additional fleet of gargoyles (now with more evil!); a ridiculous-looking Neptune with a merman’s body, trident and two chained beasts approximating dolphins; a pair of uncomfortably large devils threatening to encroach on the neighbor’s roof, a few scattered knights-in-armor…they are all so much noise, for the life-sized*, heavily-armed, Son-of-God-faced and abs-of-bronze inclusive Centaur is the clearcut breadwinner, and at this point it is evident the owner is now merely trying to one-up himself, having laid to waste all external competition long ago. A daunting task, but I feel confident in saying the body of work at 20 Westminster is far from finished.

Your Centaur closeup after the jump. (Four arrows!)
»continue reading El Bordello Alexandra Now Has A Centaur

PROPERTY ADDRESS
5225 Figueroa Mountain Rd , Los Olivos, CA 93441

OUTSTANDING DEBT
$24,525,906.61

STATUS
Foreclosure. Auction Pending

FACILITIES INCLUDED
Mansion (equipped), Lake Neverland, Flamingo Island Train Station, Zip Line, Michael Jackson Museum, Britto Art Exhibit, Nature Preserve, Basketball Court, Teepee Village, Bumper Cars, Movie Theatre, Amphitheatre, Club Kiss (empty), Massage Therapy Center (empty), Aviary (empty), Petting Zoo (empty), Serpentarium (empty). McConnell’s franchise on site (empty). Expansive 2,800 acre property. Mansion equipped with infrared security device(s).

ASKING PRICE
Property auction originally slated for March 19 has now been postponed to May 14. »continue reading Help Us Buy Neverland Ranch On May 14

PROPERTY ADDRESS
5225 Figueroa Mountain Rd , Los Olivos, CA 93441

OUTSTANDING DEBT
$24,525,906.61

STATUS
Foreclosure. Auction Pending

FACILITIES INCLUDED
Mansion (equipped), Lake Neverland, Flamingo Island Train Station, Zip Line, Michael Jackson Museum, Britto Art Exhibit, Nature Preserve, Basketball Court, Teepee Village, Bumper Cars, Movie Theatre, Amphitheatre, Club Kiss (empty), Massage Therapy Center (empty), Aviary (empty), Petting Zoo (empty), Serpentarium (empty). McConnell’s franchise on site (empty). Expansive 2,800 acre property. Mansion equipped with infrared security device(s).

ASKING PRICE
Property will go to auction March 19 if outstanding balance is not met. All sponsors and donating parties assisting Losanjealous in acquiring the grounds (in what will be a watershed moment on many levels) will be given an engraved brick in the Losanjealous “Brick of Fame” walk, and two (2) coupons which may be redeemed for a free sundae at McConnell’s on-site (with purchase of one sundae at full price). Phonetxt: Sandalwood Conference Room for more information, or just meet us at the north door of the Santa Barbara County Courthouse, 1100 Anacapa St. in Santa Barbara at 1pm on March 19.

T at Neverland by Jeannette

MORE PLEADING AND MJ ON LJ
» Mr. T Visitor Guide: Neverland Ranch Intervention
» Weekend Getaways: The Neverland Ranch
» Help Us Buy The Capitol Records Tower

News comes from Eater today that a Mcdonald’s in Hacienda Heights has undergone the chain’s first transition (more to follow) into what they hope will now be a more relaxed, Feng Shui’d, Zen-like beef-and-cheese-purchase- inducing atmosphere, inside and out. To be sure, years of serving up beef and those beef-extract-inclusive french fries under the shadow of the Heights’ Hsi Lai (pictured), the nation’s largest Buddhist temple, have had a marked effect on the Hacienda’s hamburger-serving outpost. Mcdonald’s Corporation, bodhisattva to the world’s beef-eating masses if you will, has had a (presumed) longstanding tradition of operating under the Buddhist tenet The greatest quality is seeking to serve others (Atisha, 11th cen.) Let this then be further testament to the awakened purity of the Board of Directors’ collective selfless souls.

Related: My favorite Mcdonald’s site to date remains a true paean to the (Heights-inclusive) SG Valley: http://www.i-am-asian.com/

» Only in SoCal: The Country’s First Feng Shui McDonald’s (Eater)

IF I were to ask you–and I’m not saying that I will ask you, but I’m just speaking hypothetically here–which ubiquitous steakhouse chain restaurant is presently owned by an Australia-based private equity firm, you would–after initially saying, “Why the hell are you asking that? Keep your eyes on the road, you idiot”–likely guess “Uh, Outback,” right? Because nothing quite says “Down Under” like Outback Steakhouse, right? BUT you would be wrong, dead wrong–as wrong as you have ever been about anything in your miserable life. (Outback, ironically, is owned by Florida-based OSI Restaurant Partners, LLC.)

No, it’s SIZZLER. SIZZLER–beloved comfortable well-lit temple of budget friendly surf & turf, Double Malibu Chicken, endless* shrimp, “salad bars” that serve up sweet swirls of soft-serve, and, last but not least, famous cheese toast, physics-defyingly soft and yielding on one side–yet crisp and crunchy on the other (how do they do it?!)–has in fact been under Australian ownership since 2005.

But this can–and must–change. News comes that the Australian Pacific Equity Partners has put Sizzler on the sales block.

Let the campaign begin here. Sizzler–founded right here in Culver City in 1958 by Del and Helen Johnson–must come back home and once again be owned by a proper States-based company, as it should be. God bless Sizzler and God bless America.

Everybody’s favorite singing, blinking, Jetsons-era downtown public art installation deserves a tribute today. Yes? Yes! Please feel free to add your personal ode to Los Angeles’ very own Triforium in the comment section.

Triforium! – A Senryū

I play silly tunes
A homeless man defecates
Temple at Main Street.

FURTHER READING
(wikipedia) (blogdowntown) (eecue) (ruth wallach) (curbed)

Lest he be unceremoniously stricken from the internets like so much background noise, Losanjealous provides these topical, in-the-moment screen captures of Man With Dollhouse On His Head, originally streamed live by Los Angeles’ own TMZ.com at approximately 440pm Pacific Standard Time today.

Loitering aimlessly, the house-hatted gentleman captured the TMZ camera crew’s attention as they prepared to stream numerous choice legal and non-legal words and phrases (”children” “visitation” “not a victory” et al) accompanied by the video image of one Mark Vincent Kaplan, attorney to Kevin Federline, presumably outside of a courthouse.

While it is unclear at press time precisely what the local news organization hoped to glean from the legal and non-legal words spoken by Mr. Federline’s attorney (accompanied by his video image), it remains perfectly clear to the crew on hand – and, broader, the TMZ-viewing world at large – that one man did in fact have a children’s dollhouse strapped to the top of his head for a period of time today.

Source: TMZ

The razing of Kowboyz, a formerly dingy, poorly-lit shack offering overpriced used western wear, boots-as-far-as-the-eye-can-see and a robust serving of Lynchian vibes for anyone brave enough to stumble through its brightly-painted door at 8050 Beverly, occurred yesterday morning. (citysearch) (yelp) (LA Weekly)

After the jump: Kowboyz’ Last Stand.
»continue reading “Kowboyz” Finally Blessed With Merciful Razing

While it is not without some regret we mark the closing of yet another shuttered record shop–albeit in this case, just one outlet of a behemoth chain–this thread is not for maudlin memories, but for Losanjealenos to post updates on the current percent of markdowns and the state of the remaining product as the Sunset Megastore approaches it’s February closure.

We may or may not admit it, but the %-off n influences what we may or may not take home on a sliding scale: i.e., The higher the markdown = the lower our standards = increased willingness to take home some dubious product to plug some gaps in our collections. Of course complicating this is the variable that the longer you hold out on pulling the trigger on a buy, waiting for a higher markdown, the more likely your product is going to be snapped up by others.

The below handy table can help guide your purchases, with an aim to help you snap up what you’re after before the shelves are bare.