5.57pm. In the days leading up to the LA Derby Dolls’ latest bout, DF continues to receive cryptic notes. “DF: beware the Ides of March” reads one. What can this mean? Another: “If you value your life, stay away from the Dolls this weekend” says another. Does someone have a dark plan in place for DF? Finally, my unnamed nemesis writes: “Seriously, DF, if you go to the Doll Factory this Saturday, I will kill you. This is not a euphemism. My plan is to murder you, all right? Jesus.”

6.17pm. To the many (well, three) readers who wrote in the past few days, encouraging DF not to attend the forthcoming match in order to avoid these assassination attempts, I feel you. I also would not want to live in a world without me. And to the many, many more readers who wrote in encouraging DF to attend the match in order to enable assassination, I retort to ye with a heartfelt “suck it”. If the fine ladies of the LADD can risk life and limb to bring titillation to a couple thousand drunk Angeleno hipsters, certainly DF can brave death threats to cover their worthy efforts. To die by their side would be a heavenly way to die. To Historic Filipinotown!
»continue reading The Ides of March: LA Derby Dolls @ The Doll Factory, 3/15/08

5.32pm. The night is cold, dreary. Rain drives down without cease. DF’s spirits are as low as the weather is gloomy. Usually when I’m in a mood like this, I just head down the street to Jumbo’s Clown Room and chug Zima until the blues abate. But DF is persona non grata there after causing some … unpleasantness last week. Looks like I’ll just have to engage in the usual Saturday eve Cointreau-and-pork-ribs binge. Then it hits me: there is salvation. Tonight is the L.A. Derby Dolls kick-off bout at the Doll Factory. Fight Crew v. Tough Cookies. Historic Filipinotown and hot roller derby action, here I come!

6.53pm. Arrival at the Doll Factory always lifts my spirits. I so cherish the waiting in line, the personal-injury-waiver-signing, the aggressive pat-down, the—what the shit!?!?! Do my eyes deceive me or is that a Hot Dog on a Stick truck parked right outside the venue? Bellowing like a banshee, I relinquish my place in line and charge to the counter, scattering waiting patrons hither and yon. “Corn dog me”, I demand, and the hilariously accoutred salesgirls accommodate. I devour dog after dog, vaguely aware of but basically indifferent to the phallic connotations, and when I am sated I leave behind a pile of twenty-seven corn dog-less sticks in my wake.
»continue reading Pain in the Rain: LA Derby Dolls ’08 Kickoff Bout @ The Doll Factory, 1/26/08

Every week Blake and readers just like him send me grainy, blurry, sometimes horribly-framed yet always interesting photos of life in Los Angeles as seen through the lenses of their trusted telephones. Every week, never fail. Join us now, won’t you, as we take a look at the latest offerings…From Blake’s Phone.

What’s this what have we here?

»continue reading From Blake’s Phone: Gino’s Rogue Ads

To be sure, I am a Biscuits and Gravy™ man. Weekends are my time to explore the various biscuits and gravies of Los Angeles. I found a reliable duet at Millie’s in Silverlake some years ago and the torch was officially lit. Each weekend I would attempt to best the Millie’s combo; each weekend I would fail to do so. Seasons changed. My hair grew longer. The torch burned brighter and try though I might, I was unable to top that concoction flawlessly executed time and again: one made-from-scratch drop biscuit shoved in the bottom of a bowl, drowned in hot-but-not-too-hot herb gravy with nary a hint of sausage. Nary a hint! The fact of the matter is that you don’t need sausage in the equation at Millie’s. This is a good thing, because you’re not going to get sausage unless you fuck with perfection and reverse engineer a sausage-loaded egg plate while nobody’s looking.

But the torch has now been passed.
»continue reading The Biscuits And Gravy Torch Has Been Passed

As a non-subtle reminder Losanjealous constantly mines, sorts and processes the cruddiest cell phone photos ever taken, weekly, for your cheap enjoyment. Friday, the week’s most egregious is bestowed the honor CRAPTASTIC CELL PHONE PHOTO OF THE WEEK.

Big week; lots of entries. You collectively blew up the inbox. Regrettably we cannot publish every photo that we receive (too many fucking photos), but I’ve singled out six of the best.

1) Self-described “WHITE AFRO MAN” spotted at Lincoln near Broadway in santa monica. He growls “Hey C’mere. I’m White Afro Man, c’mere, let me go get my boss…to take a picture of the both of us…” which I respectfully decline. “No thanks man just you”

After the jump: The Ghostbusters Car! House of Pies Gets a “C” Rating! Baconwrapped Hot Dogs! And So Much More! CELL PHONE PHOTOS YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO REALLY LOVE, OR BE AMBIVALENT ABOUT, OR BE DISGUSTED WITH THE TIME YOU WASTED BY VIEWING, AFTER THE JUMP! THOSE ARE GOOD ODDS ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT . . .
»continue reading Craptastic Cell Phone Photo of the Week: Sign Twirlers Make The World Go Round

The Canadian Coffee Break brings together some of the finest Canadian minds in Southern California every week for a topical, lively round-tablesque discussion over very dark coffee. Won’t you join us.

This week’s topic: From Tofu to Sunset Junction, The Street Fair Season is officially upon us. How do Canadian festivals compare to those in Los Angeles? Topics to ponder…

• Live bands
• Sausages-on-sticks; grilled corn
• Greasy, rachety, dangerous-looking carnival rides
• Booze
• Entry fees
• Festival goers
• Parking situations

Marc
Montreal, where I lived for a decade, is known as the land of festivals. During the summer, a mix of inebriated tourists and locals turn the island’s streets into a city-wide Lionel Richie fantasy. It’s not unusual to find the streets packed to capacity at 3 in the morning, with clubs going in some cases until noon the next day. People seem to have nothing but good things to say about Montreal. This civic culture of celebration, no doubt contributes to the city’s reputation. Los Angeles, by comparison is infamous for terrible reputation (not that anyone here really gives a crap). This I think, is due in no small part to L.A.’s perceived lack of a public life. Having lived here several years now, I can see how one might see this city as being somehow insular, but I’d counter that there’s no shortage of public events. For every Sunset Junction, for example, there’s a year’s worth of monthly Midnight Ridazz, (which I’d argue qualifies as a kind of moving street fair). The trick in L.A. is managing to keep abreast of all the public revelry the city has to offer, which is one good reason for Losanjealous to bring back the monthly Benevolent Society event listings.
»continue reading Canadian Coffee Break: The Street Fair Season

This is a wide shot intended to convey the general atmosphere of the festival. Festivals frequently feature large numbers of people (“festival goers”), mechanical contraptions that move bodies through space, against our normal physics in an enjoyable fashion (“rides”) and temporary food and consumer product vendor stations (“booths”). Festivals frequently take place in the open air, as can be seen here.

Here is another one of these festival atmosphere photographs, but taken from a different vantage point. Note booths on the left, festival goers, and ride, in this case, some sort of centrifuge contraption.
»continue reading 2007 Sunset Junction Street Fair