The Quest for PatellaScrapeSoup
Will this horrific hoof joint fit into your cup any way other than awkwardly? Hell no! But don’t let that dissuade you.
One day into it and my wireless food provider is working gangbusters. Big, pornographic burrito it gives me. I must concede: Nice job, beta program. Batting 1000. You’re feeling cocky, even, if wireless providers can feel cocky. I want to push the envelope. Who doesn’t. People who are not me, to be sure. This time I enter four keywords: “Highland” “Horror-Bone” “Glistening” “Hangover” and then a phrase, just to see what it gets me: 
“Robots of my Treo beta program I desire like to find a place where I can order a bowl of tripe soup also known as menudo to cure my beer blues. Alongside this I would like a bacon, egg and bean burrito but if possible it might be nice to mistakenly be delivered a bean and cheese burrito of which I will eat two bites then dissect and return to the kitchen only to await a bacon, egg and bean burrito. Back to the soup, robot I would like it glistening, I would like to scrape a human-patella-looking cow hoof alongside the gooey tripe which had best be plentiful. As such I need MENUDO CON PATAS and nothing less will suffice but perhaps most importantly I wish to be overcharged $2 for a large bowl even though my bowl is small. Can you do this I have faith in you yes? Please! Run! Fast!”
I don’t even want to get into what my thumbs felt like after keying all that shit in, but suffice it to say it wasn’t cool. Following that I drove aimlessly, sipping a to-go coffee from the pricy side of town. It took my Treo twenty minutes but I was finally returned the following:
La Abeja
Scrape the knee, the knee that won’t even fit in your bowl. Technically you’re looking at hoof, but we’ll play along. Suck the tripe, scrape the knee, get the wrong burrito, if you’re too late for a table ye shall wait. If menudo be your game, pony up the extra $0.50 for the con patas experience, amigo. Scrape it, pay up, if you’re overcharged suck it up. It was worth it, in the long run. Comfy booths. Ample cream for the coffee, which, incidentally, is also ample. Look for the upside-down ‘abierto’ sign. If you read upside-down, you’re in business.
La Abeja
3700 N Figueroa St
Highland Park
(323) 221-0474
Damn it if he/she wasn’t solid again. Thing is batting 1000. I said it.
