Bill DeMarco's Haiku Review

Bill DeMarco’s Haiku Review

bill demarcoCasagrande’s putt went so far right of the Executive Putting Green that he might as well have kicked it.

“I think you’re getting too much cross-breeze from your Ionic Air Purifier,” I quipped.

He spoke into his wireless headset ignoring me. “I don’t know Cowboy, I’d say put a raw steak on it, see if that does anything–hold on, DeMarco’s here. I’ll call you back.” Casagrande collapsed his golf club like a telescope and dropped a few balls in a wicker basket. He sat down in his Executive Massage Chair, turned on a pair of contrasting modes, put his hands behind his head and with a self-satisfied sigh finally made eye contact.

“Before you write up the #1 Starbucks I want you to do some kind of review. To get people up to speed,” he said.

I flung my valise of notes on the ground, my passions getting the better of me.

“Okay I was out of control for a second. I’m cool. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. Something original and different, but not new per se.”

“Okay,” I said attempting to redirect the locomotive heading down the cliff-face. “How about. . .’Bill DeMarco’s Haiku Review?’ I revisit each Starbucks and summarize the review in the form of a haiku.”

He was lost in thought for a second.

“But what if–“

“People love haiku.”

He nodded as if to say “I’m nodding.” I picked up my notes and left.

And now without further ado. . .
Bill DeMarco’s Los Angeles presents Bill DeMarco’s Starbucks Haiku Recap:

#20 West Los Angeles
Starbucks kiosk serves coffee.
It’s still a Starbucks.

madame urania#19 Ventura Boule–
Vard has a few Starbucks’s.
This was one of them.

#18 Coffee Bean & Tea
Leaf is OK, says the guy.
No it isn’t dude.

Robert Preston#17 Figueroa is
A street downtown. I went to
A Starbucks on it.

#16 “Pimpin’ Pumpkin” is
Still a viable name for
A coffee drink, folks.

#15 I don’t remember
This one much, but my under-
wear remains purple.

shamrock tree#14 St. Patrick’s Day: I
Will drink your shamrocks from a
Holiday-themed cup.

#13 Venice smells like salt.
It affected my coffee
Quite positively.

#12 A Vanagon and
Tempura. Dualities
Such as this are neat.

#11 Black Holes plus Neil Peart:
Appropriate metaphors
For Starbucks coffee.

#10 My PerfectSmart cards
Had been stolen. I dreamt of
An OK-cinno.

#9 There was a woman,
Stole my heart. I met her here.
It doesn’t matter. . .

#8 Brentwood owes me big
For the flying lettuce that
ruined my screenplay.

#7 The glorious head
Of Eagle Rock loomed as I
Watched men exchange cash.

#6 Crossbows in Compton’s
Going to be the title
Of someone’s memoirs.

#5 Winged, bearded, man-bulls
Presided over Commerce.
Chantal was here too.

#4 Crazy homeless man,
I wish you were still here to
Play your tambourine.

#3 Heaven is not so
Serendipitously found
As this PV branch.

#2 Suns set on Sunset.
Strippers go to work. I flee
Urania’s wrath.