Bill DeMarco’s Haiku Review

Casagrande’s putt went so far right of the Executive Putting Green that he might as well have kicked it.

“I think you’re getting too much cross-breeze from your Ionic Air Purifier,” I quipped.

He spoke into his wireless headset ignoring me. “I don’t know Cowboy, I’d say put a raw steak on it, see if that does anything—hold on, DeMarco’s here. I’ll call you back.” Casagrande collapsed his golf club like a telescope and dropped a few balls in a wicker basket. He sat down in his Executive Massage Chair, turned on a pair of contrasting modes, put his hands behind his head and with a self-satisfied sigh finally made eye contact.

“Before you write up the #1 Starbucks I want you to do some kind of review. To get people up to speed,” he said.

I flung my valise of notes on the ground, my passions getting the better of me.

“Okay I was out of control for a second. I’m cool. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. Something original and different, but not new per se.”

“Okay,” I said attempting to redirect the locomotive heading down the cliff-face. “How about. . .’Bill DeMarco’s Haiku Review?’ I revisit each Starbucks and summarize the review in the form of a haiku.”

He was lost in thought for a second.

“But what if—“

“People love haiku.”

He nodded as if to say “I’m nodding.” I picked up my notes and left.

And now without further ado. . .
Bill DeMarco’s Los Angeles presents Bill DeMarco’s Starbucks Haiku Recap:

#20 West Los Angeles
Starbucks kiosk serves coffee.
It’s still a Starbucks.

#19 Ventura Boule—
Vard has a few Starbucks’s.
This was one of them.

#18 Coffee Bean & Tea
Leaf is OK, says the guy.
No it isn’t dude.

#17 Figueroa is
A street downtown. I went to
A Starbucks on it.

#16 “Pimpin’ Pumpkin” is
Still a viable name for
A coffee drink, folks.

#15 I don’t remember
This one much, but my under-
wear remains purple.

#14 St. Patrick’s Day: I
Will drink your shamrocks from a
Holiday-themed cup.

#13 Venice smells like salt.
It affected my coffee
Quite positively.

#12 A Vanagon and
Tempura. Dualities
Such as this are neat.

#11 Black Holes plus Neil Peart:
Appropriate metaphors
For Starbucks coffee.

#10 My PerfectSmart cards
Had been stolen. I dreamt of
An OK-cinno.

#9 There was a woman,
Stole my heart. I met her here.
It doesn’t matter. . .

#8 Brentwood owes me big
For the flying lettuce that
ruined my screenplay.

#7 The glorious head
Of Eagle Rock loomed as I
Watched men exchange cash.

#6 Crossbows in Compton’s
Going to be the title
Of someone’s memoirs.

#5 Winged, bearded, man-bulls
Presided over Commerce.
Chantal was here too.

#4 Crazy homeless man,
I wish you were still here to
Play your tambourine.

#3 Heaven is not so
Serendipitously found
As this PV branch.

#2 Suns set on Sunset.
Strippers go to work. I flee
Urania’s wrath.