Una Menos Fantasma Este Año
The Chupacabra has been tearing shit up all over the Americas for almost 15 years now. What was originally an isolated Puerto Rican problem became all of our problems when the little fucker mobilized and came onto the mainland to terrorize North and South America. Goats, cows, dogs and chickens were exsanguinated and left lying all around Latin America as a visual F.U. to anyone stupid enough to look for what eyewitnesses described as a red-eyed, hopping, hissing thing with a long snout and wings.
Then the bastard came to America …and Los Angeles, specifically. As if life isn’t hard enough! Walking to the corner mercado involves looking out for desgraciados, sin verguenzas, cabrones, babosos, and payasos…not to mention El Cucui and La Llorona! We didn’t need this shit.
…and speaking of scary, it was a long time before I found anyone brave enough to have a beer with me at Bar Costeña. Luckily, last weekend the fools at Losanjealous were brave (drunk / stupid???) enough to drink $3.00 Tecates, watch baseball and soccer simultaneously and stare at some shady bar patrons who stared right back. This is not a place to dick around. Imagine that bar in Desperado, but instead of Cheech Marin spitting in your beer, you’ve got 2 barmaids that will fuck you up if you act the fool. …Even if you’re the Chupacabra. No more sucky sucky, holmes.
(That’s right…you don’t have to lock your goats up anymore.)
BAR COSTENA
271 S Main St.
Los Angeles 90012
213-680-9455
UPDATE: Reply from Dr. Karl P.N. Shuker, noted English Cryptozoologist, on the matter of the creature hanging at the bar:
Hi Jeannette, Thanks for your email and interesting picture. The creature in it is what is generally termed a devil fish – I have a very similar exhibit in my study here. It is not a genuine creature, but is in fact a skilfully manufactured fake and is commonly seen for sale at seaside resorts, antique fairs, secondhand shops, etc. What it actually is is a marine skate or ray, whose wide pectoral fins and tail fin have been carefully sliced to produce wing-like or leg-like structures, after which the now-much-modified fish is dried and sometimes varnished, and thereafter nicknamed a devil fish. Sometimes, a skate or ray will be even more extensively modified, to yield a four-legged dragon-like monster, which is usually known as a Jenny Haniver. They are popular tourist novelties because of their strange and puzzling appearance, and one in Mexico was even passed off by its crafty seller as a grounded extraterrestrial alien corpse! Yours is a particularly nice specimen to have, as great care has been taken in sculpting the wings. I notice from your photo that you have a porcupine fish too – again, I have one of these, another popular (but this time totally real) exhibit. Thanks for your email once again, and for showing me your fine specimen of a devil fish.
out of all the mythical, blood sucking creatures out there, the Chupacabra is almost certainly the sneakiest
Chupacabra video
http://www.goingon.com/permalink/post/28631
beware :Chupacabra scary
[…] Jeannette discovers el chupacabra, stuffed and mounted inside a skid row-adjacent ranchero […]
[…] Palpable. Heat rises. Surrounded by Arsenal jerseys here. Drizzle outside. Room gets warmer. I go for a beer. They have Red Stripe™ on tap here. Tap! That´s a rarity. There are some seriously skeevy places to watch a match in the South London. I´d somehow picked the one with the Stripe on tap. Natch. Holes likeThe GrAsshopper and Bar Costena have a tendency to condition one for all manner of sleaze. As such, I was for the most part in my element. […]
All these people showing off their spanish lessons yet not one catches that the title should be “un fantasma menos”, as fantasma is masculine. Get it righter, people! :)
It’s actually ‘Ay, dios mio’…not ‘Ai’…get it right, people
AI DIOS MIO is right!
Thank you for the correction, but you all will have to alert Wikipedia, Occultipedia, The manufacturers of Chupacabra tequila, The band Chupacabra, the various taco stands in Baja, radio personalities and the world’s cryptozoologists to let them know that they are spelling and saying the word incorrectly. I am too busy! (jajaja)
And speaking of cryptozoologists… I wrote to the world’s foremost expert on mythical creatures and unidentifiable ghouls to get to the bottom of why those mean ole folks at Bar Costeña would kill this beast. He said this:
Hi Jeannette!
Thanks for your email and interesting picture. The creature in it is what is generally termed a devil fish – I have a very similar exhibit in my study here. It is not a genuine creature, but is in fact a skilfully manufactured fake and is commonly seen for sale at seaside resorts, antique fairs, secondhand shops, etc. What it actually is is a marine skate or ray, whose wide pectoral fins and tail fin have been carefully sliced to produce wing-like or leg-like structures, after which the now-much-modified fish is dried and sometimes varnished, and thereafter nicknamed a devil fish. Sometimes, a skate or ray will be even more extensively modified, to yield a four-legged dragon-like monster, which is usually known as a Jenny Haniver. They are popular tourist novelties because of their strange and puzzling appearance, and one in Mexico was even passed off by its crafty seller as a grounded extraterrestrial alien corpse! Yours is a particularly nice specimen to have, as great care has been taken in sculpting the wings. I notice from your photo that you have a porcupine fish too – again, I have one of these, another popular (but this time totally real) exhibit. Thanks for your email once again, and for showing me your fine specimen of a devil fish. All the best,
Dr Karl P.N. Shuker
There! Are you happy? Now you have to tell the kids to lock up the goat again. …or goats. Happy Halloweens
it’s dishes-washer, not dish-water, ay-dios-mio,
and it’s goat-sucker, not goats-sucker just like o-nevermind
mi ingles no-so-spiffy
this post is comprised of everything that used to scare me silly back in the day. thanks for bringing up the great memories…i kid, i kid.
No, grindar, grammatically speaking it is “chupacabras.” That’s because it means “sucker of goats” more or less, not “sucker of goat.” Like “abrelatas,” which means “opener of cans.” And redteam gave the good example of “dishwasher,” which would be a defined single object. Not “dishwater,” which you say would be the ambiguous quantity. Although in Spanish, even items with ambiguous quantity would not necessarily be pluralized: water is not “aguas” but “agua.” It does appear that the majority of Spanish language websites refer to it as “chupacabras,” but both seem to be used.
So that must be the reason for the recent stingray attacks, some bar owner downtown captured their leader! Cuz really, with them cute lil’ feet and walking upright, he must have been the shit in his small pond. It was fun when Chupy was on the loose, everyone was in on the fun: I saw a “news report” on channel 34 where some paisa from East LA showed the reporters a chupy attack, a bunch of dead chickens in his backyard, yet he wouldn’t let anyone actually take a close up look of the victims, nor to take them away for further investigation. Nothing like killing off all your chickens to get on TV! Damn, I wish I would have taped it…
No, it’s “el chupacabra” Not all spanish words end in an s, redteam. That’s only because dishwater is an ambiguous quantity, not a defined single object.
If that thing is not real, then what happened to those poor goats is sickening.
One drunken night in Ensenada (many years ago), I spotted one of those dried things in a shop window and it totally freaked me out. I went back and bought it the next day. Now, I dont know what to do with it…
BTW, it’s “Chupacabras” with in “s”. Even for singular things. That’s because it’s Spanish. Kind of like dishwasher in Spanish: “un lavaplatos” not “un lavaplato”.
that Chupacabra is some scary-ass shit!!! Check out the ‘fake’ one on wiki:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chupacabra