The Losanjealous Valentine’s Escort Service IS NOW OPEN FOR BUSINESS

This can be a tough time of year. Hallmark knows it. They’re milking it. But you’re not going to take it sitting down, goddammit. The Losanjealous Valentine’s Escort Service is here for you. Yes you! We want to send you out on the town this Saturday. Hell. You deserve it. We want to wine you. Dine you. Indieröjc you in inimitable style.

The Pitch
Ladies: Write a brief paragraph explaining why you deserve or need the food and rock services of a Losanjealous Escort this week. This can be a heartbreaking tale of staggering genius; this can be a tale of two cities. At the end of the day it needs to basically be a tale. We do not want your photograph. You will not be judged on your looks for the purposes of this contest. Hotties: You’re going to have to break out the wit. Is it a true tale? Is it a total bullshit tale? Ah who cares. Write a winning tale.

’losanjealoveThe Reason
Three finalists will be given the opportunity to vie for Saturday evening food and rock escort services provided by one of our staff photographers… pictured to the right.

The Judges

This may be the best part. The Losanjealous community of readers will determine who gets the services of the Losanjealous Escort for one night. Who does our escort wish to escort? Who cares!

The Timeline

This is a busy week, any way you slice it:

  • We need your story no later than 5pm, Wednesday (2/7). Again: We do not want your photograph. Your good looks will not be taken into consideration.
  • Finalist entries will be listed online Thursday morning.
  • The Losanjealous community of readers will choose the winner’s story by EOD (midnight) Thursday.
  • The winner will be announced Friday. Your escort to dinner and concert will take place this coming Saturday – so make sure you have the date available.
  • Your escort may or may not pick you up in a Ford Escort.
  • It will be entirely up to the two of you to determine if a Losanjealove Connection mandates a second date on Valentine’s Night itself.

Where will you eat? What show will you see?

We’re keeping those details under wraps for now (and not just to keep the stalkers at bay). We can tell you a few things at this point:

  • The restaurant is top notch. The menu will not be comprised of dishes that can be acquired with an Abraham Lincoln.
  • The concert is at a very respected, established indieröjc venue.
  • You will not be seeing Bobby Brown in Anaheim.
  • You will not be required to drive to Pomona and the Mountain Goats will not be playing.

Oh and Ladies: He Likes Long Walks On The Beach.


To enter the contest, send an e-mail with your story to:

* Entrants must be over the age of 21 and not affiliated with Losanjealous.
** Male and non-hetero readers: We have not forgotten you. Your time will come!
*** Please, during the concert, do not fucking steal our staff photographer’s camera or fuck up his photos, assuming he takes photos.
**** Please, if jeremy our photographer is not taking photos of rock ’n’ roll magic, fucking let us know immediately.