I don’t know about you, but I have never seen Italy spelled this way before. An Italian can’t be responsible for this oversight. Unless, maybe, the Italian is of teething age.

This came as a double-shock to me because I never even knew Italian furniture existed in the first place. I thought Swedes were wholly responsible for home furnishings. I started imagining IKEA stockholders sabotaging the sign in order to retain their share of the market. Though, as you can see, the lowercase “i” is bold and unblemished and does not sit next to an awkwardly crossed-out uppercase “I”. Like all conspiracy theories, this one is flimsy at best and reveals more of a deep personal battle with cynicism.

Aside from a furniture guild suddenly, Sweden and Italy also share a very large extreme metal community. And as we all know, extreme metal is dominated by hackers, bookworms and other board-game-winning party-poopers. Please, let’s not upset the international (and largely humorless) extreme metal community. Let’s take care of this blatant disregard for capitalization before they throw an impromptu parking lot festival full of black jeans, intimidating tattoos and cookie monster repartee.

I would like to call a protest directly in front of “The Best of italy.” If you have ever been called “Captain Correcto,” or often hear the term “touché,” then you are just the person I am looking for. Please email me so we can set a time during business hours. I’m not too big on protests which don’t require me to call out of work. Please also remember a couple of things:

Spell-check your sign before you arrive. I don’t want the owners of “Best of italy” blogging about the hypocrisy in our protest signs.

Trace the letters on your sign before coloring them in. We’ve all seen the ticket scalpers out there with their “NEED TICKETS” cardboard signs. The “NEED” part takes up over half the sign. And the “TICKETS” part looks like a bar code.

Stay focused. Keep what is written on the protest signs limited to your frustration over “Best of italy”’s indifference to capitalizing proper nouns. Please do not use this as an opportunity to protest other misspelled signs you have noticed around L.A.

Do not patronize this establishment during the protest. If you are currently in need of a new couch or armoire, this may not be the best protest for you.

Do not fret over your lineage. There will be no casting couch for this protest. Everyone is welcome. I’d rather you be non-Italian and uptight about the written word than Italian and just looking to hook up with protest chicks. Italian flags would definitely be appreciated, though. They’re the ones without the eagle. You can purchase an Italian flag nearby at Cavaretta’s, which is a damn good deli just down the street from “Best of italy”.

Best of italy
8372 Topanga Canyon Blvd.
West Hills, CA 91304
(818) 704-4789

Cavaretta’s
“If you can’t smell it, we don’t have it” – odd
22045 Sherman Way
Canoga Park, CA 91303
(818) 340-6626