Art ‘N’ Stuff @ L’Oreal Paris Store Beverly Center Blah Blah Blah
(Some names have been changed to protect the fabuluzzz but it’s all true ya whores.)
Starry Knightz looks for 2 things in a make-up store: 1) make-up 2) empowerment.
Sozers. . .my oldest/latest worst/best galpal Niko B. texts me up to text me that there’s going to be this textastic event at the L’Oreal Paris Store @ The Beverly Center. Thank goZZle. The L’Oreal Stockholm store SUXXXXXXX!
She texts Starry’z StarrBerry saying THERES GOING 2 B ART AND FREE STUFF @ BEVCENT and I text FREE STUFF YES ON IT STARRY’Z THERE C U SOON LUVZ and she texts LUVZ 2 U 2 =] and I text YES LUVZ AND MO LUVZ ;] and she texts DRINX? and I text MIDNYTE @ THE OASIS!!! and she texts HA HA HA WHAT??? and I text IM DOWNSTARES WHERE R U? and she texts GLENDALE and I text WHERE MY ASS LIVES and she texts LMFAOSBIHMP!!! and I text C U IN 3 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES.
So even though we’re getting free drinks and grapes at the make-up place we decide to meet at B.X. TRANG’s for Or-D’Urvs. Niko walks in wearing daisy dukes, heels, and self-esteem optional vanilla highlightz. We could be twins. “OHMYGOD Starry it’s so great to see you I need a drink!” she says kissing Starry and not putting her phone down and I say “Darling you look more processed than FISH STICKS!”
We go to the bar. Niko gets a Sour Cherry Bananojito and Starry orders a glass of carbon dioxide. Niko’s mad because they fucked up her album. She hands me her album: NIKO “DON’T BE AFRAID OF MY PUSSY (w/GrooveJunx feat. GrooveCowboy vs. GrooveNinja)” Starry likes! “They fucked it up. Look at the back.” Starry looks at the back. Niko is wearing daisy dukes and is playing the violin. “OH MY GOD Neeks you look like such a hot whore” and she says “I wish I looked like a whore I just look stupid.” “Ohhhhhhh. . .”your Starry says and hugs Niko agreeing with her. We finish our drinks and go upstairs to the L’oParStoreBevCent.
If this event was a yoga pose Starry would call it Downward Facing Cheese Plate. Starry was salivating at the sight of all those giftbags in the window and all that $7 worth of stuff inside that was going to be STARRY’Z! Niko attacked the brushes like they were Jolly Ranchers. There were some ladies there older than twenty five. It was jive. There was paintings on the floor that made Starry think that maybe of some of the young chicks who work here wur handcuffed to bedposts and told to paint pictures of shoes and bikinis or else they would be fired. So they did. Starry knows what’s up she used to work in retail. ExCuse Starry: work IT in retail.
So Starry found the crackers and this d3lic7ous bartender who was either from TeXas or England. She was just about to ask about where his cute accent came from when some LWWLs (that’s StarrySpeak for “Ladies Who Wear Linen”) start to talk about art ’n’ stuff. They were saying like, You can collect art, and U’ve gotta call some people, and being a woman is amazing, and don’t forget to collect art. Starry had somehow had 11 drinks by then so she was nodding in agreement. Niko appears. “Where did U go?” Starry sez resting her hand in a tray of powder. “I got a free makeover how does it look?” she sez and Starry says “You look like an extra from TRON” and she says “O fuck you” and she takes Starry’z Vodka-Orangina and drinks it.
The event (Remember: Starry events) wraps like twelve minutes later. We get our bags and thank everybody for an amazing event and give them fake e-mail addresses. In the bag there is a book and a lollipop. The book is silver and has pictures of models who were famous in 1993 showing their vaginas. $7 dollarz, hollarz!!! Niko gives me her book and takes my lollipop. She says “You know what they should call this place?” and Starry says “NO WHAT?” and Niko says “The BEVERAGEly Center!!!” We both laugh HA HA HA HA and go to the bathroom.