Ask A Derby Doll: Markie D. Sod Responds
Some time ago, we promised Losanjealous readers that if they sent in their desperate requests for advice, somewhere, somehow, one of the L.A. Derby Dolls would answer them. In the intervening weeks, LADD’s Markie D. Sod has been cogitating carefully about your inquiries, and we now present the choicest questions/answers for your reading pleasure.
Dear Derby Doll,
I have a great relationship with my boyfriend, and we’ve talked about getting married, but there’s one catch. I’m a very petite woman and my boyfriend loves—as he puts it—“a whole lotta ass”. He’s said that if he is going to spend the rest of his life with one girl, she’s got to have a big booty. So he’s said that he’ll propose to me only if I get silicone implants in my butt. He’s willing to pay for them, but I’m a little hesitant about altering my body like that, even if it is for the love of my life. What do you think I should do?
—Ann in Pacoima
How can you even think of marrying someone who doesn’t accept your body as it is, now? What’s going to happen as you grow older with this man, as things start to sag and shift? If he can’t love you with your tiny hiney then he is so *not* the right man for you. There are plenty of men out there who want a petite woman and there are many women out there with “a whole lotta ass” so I think you both will be fine. I have no problem with women or men deciding *on their own* to buy a bigger this or a smaller that but I take major issue with *anyone* altering their body parts for another person. Not to get all moral, but it’s just not right.
My wife and I like to get creative in bed with food, but we’ve run out of good ideas. All the mainstream sex manuals have the same pedestrian crap–chocolate, whipped cream, etc. What kind of foodstuffs can we use to take it to the next level?
—Joe in Redondo Beach
It’s true, there are only so many things suggested in your typical couples sex play books. I mean, how many times can you put an Altoid in her pussy or have Nutella licked off your cock? It does get old! Now you understand that because of legalities, I can’t recommend anything that is alive, and I really need to have more information to answer you as thoroughly as I desire. For example, would you be into messy pasta dinners smeared over your miscellaneous body parts? Or, are you two more the sushi types with desires for delicate sashimi morsels nibbled out of orifices? (Certainly gives ‘hand rolls’ entire new meaning…) And even though there are restaurants like Hadaka Sushi where you can eat sushi off of hired models, you can’t have sex with them afterwards. If you’re really serious about this, I suggest looking into the various online communities, magazines and web sites that delve deep into the wet and messy (“WAM”) fetish, also known as “sploshing”, to give you some really great ideas for where you want to take your sexy food play.
Please note: incoming emails have been edited for grammar and style, but their content remains substantially the same. In some cases, we have changed names to protect the identities of contributors.