DF Analyzes Midterm Election Results & Previews LADD bout (Fight Crew v. Varsity Brawlers, 11/13/2010)
Political acumen. DF has it. Whether showing up at a Tea Party rally clad only in my American-flag codpiece, schmoozing and floozing with my politico buddies up in Sacramento, or simply shouting “USA!! USA!!” at unexpected moments throughout the day, DF is a one-man political juggernaut. And after sifting through the aftermath of last week’s momentous midterms, I hereby proffer the following analytical insights for your cognitive pleasure.
DE-SEN: Tea Party starlita Christine O’Donnell goes down in flames to some extremely bald guy. DF concludes that this cherub-cheeked Palin knockoff lost because she flip-flopped on the witch issue, thereby losing the vote of Delaware’s 17 Wiccans (which represents 23% of the state’s total population).
NV-SEN: Names were the game in this election night squeaker. The not-so-subtle racial intimations of Sharron Angle’s moniker garnered her a large percentage of the Anglo-Saxon vote, but she was done in by confused but substantial constituencies in Sin City and the brothel industry who mistakenly believed they were casting ballots for vintage pornographic actor Harry Reems.
CA-PROP: Proposition 19 failed by a wide margin thanks largely to older voters who want to make sure that their kids get to enjoy the frisson of illegality that made weed so tantalizing for them a generation ago. Studies indicate that the proposition’s failure will have devastating results—Californians will have 0.000001% less access to marijuana than they would have if it had passed.
SUMMARY: Winners last Tuesday nite include the GOP, tricorn hats, and hysterical but unspecified rage. Losers include Dems, “the Government,” and any chance of legislation happening in Washington for the next several years.
But whether you’re despondent over the Democrats’ trip to the abattoir or thrilled at the prospect of a government-hating government, your response should be the same: Commiserate/celebrate this weekend in the company of the delectably fierce LA Derby Dolls. The action will be as intense as a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing, but the principals will be much easier on the eyeballs than your Pat Leahys and Jeff Sessionseses.
Specifically, the Varsity Brawlers will face off against the Fight Crew this Saturday, November 13, in a bout of such internecine intensity it will make the angriest Tea-Partyist look coolly rational by comparison. Check out the typically emocionante bout-preview vid here. And for those of you who can’t get enough derby (if such a thing is even possible), there is also an all-ages Babydoll Brawl on Sunday, November 14, betwixt fresh-meat skaters looking to book spots in the regular LADD rotation. (& you can meet the fresh meat here.) So double down on derby this weekend with DF and the Dolls, y’all. Tixes are available here. Be there or prepare to have your ass voted out of office!
Art by Pushy Whipped. (C) 2010 by LA Derby Dolls. All rights reserved.