SETTING
Piggie’s Charbroiled
4601 W Rosecrans Ave
Hawthorne, CA

SOUNDTRACK
Flaming Lips
Oh My Gawd!!!…The Flaming Lips
6 Jan 1987 (Restless)

LOCAL TIME
1pm PST
29 December 2009

Sun streams harshly through the window here in Hawthorne, right onto the table, right onto the plate before me. $4.19 for the “large” because, yeah, I’m feeling In Charge. Take seat next to corner booth inhabited by three of Hawthorne’s Finest: One on duty with talkie dialed low, two off-duty in Sunday civvies. All three grousing about the job and casting the occasional wary eye my way. I’m just eating chili fries, boys; rest assured I bitch about my job just as much as you, end of day. One Decade!!! A full decade in Los Angeles. How in the hell have I pulled it off, exactly? How have I survived!? Why did I stay!? What kept me!? How Have I Changed Los Angeles For The Better, and, How Has She Changed Me? Sunlight streams onto the plate harshly still and I ponder various chili-coated plates that have confronted me over the course of the last decade, here in smog central. This one’s harmless when stacked ‘gainst the past, to be sure; still, no easy lunch, this. I throw down the fork, douse the pepper’s heat with a swig of ice water and hit the sidewalk. Inhaling, it hits me like a flash of lightning: It is good to be here, Los Angeles right now on this 29th of December 2009 Anno Domini. I gulp the air, form fists triumphantly and shout to no-one, “Oh My Gawd!!!”

CONFIRMED: Melrose @ Curson; Melrose @ Gardner

Still not biting. Somebody please just call the number already so we can put this one to bed.

PREVIOUSY IN STUPID HAND-LETTERED SIGNS ON MELROSE
» For Sale on Melrose: Wolverine’s Daughter, 2 Books, Taco Bell, Thundercats, Movies, Money…My Heart

Thank you for your well wishes, cards, mp3s, press releases, requests for coverage, chocolates and oki-dogs during our growing pains.

LOSANJEALOUS (Losanjealous) :: If you’ve experienced lags in the amount of time it takes to load this questionably informative website the last couple of days, rest assured you weren’t alone. Our top technicians got all the fuck up in this shit and, possibly, fixed something. Things should be back to normal now (relatively speaking). Refresh the homepage a few dozen times for good measure.

LOSANJEALOUS (Losanjealous) :: If you’ve been experiencing lags in the amount of time it takes to load this questionably informative website, rest assured you’re not alone. Our top technicians are all the fuck up in this shit. If you experience a delay, refresh the page a few dozen times and things should be back to normal soon.

Did you ever just get sick and absolutely tired of blogging…and/or blogs in general? All these voices man. Voices voices voices with inflated self-importance shouting out there to god knows who. Fine. Blogs get the word out fast, awesome. Blogs report the news first. Power! How many blogs do you know that have a full-time fact-checking staff? (Besides us.)

Does your grandma read your blog? Mine does, passively. Bless her. Apparently I’m a pottymouth. One thing my family can agree on is the fact that I am fond of the phrase “holy shit.” Things could be worse, I suppose.

Somewhere between 1999 and 2000 I was introduced to the word “blog” and immediately loathed it. Blog. Disgusting-sounding word, that. Don’t even get me started on blogosphere. The day Myspace chose to relabel its “journal” tool a “blog” tool, I knew we were stuck with it for eternity. Doomed, man. You can’t fight it. I would love to offer some vintage myspace screenshots as proof (suggested by our fact-checking, quality assurance and legal departments), but alas Myspace ain’t having it.

I hereby propose the third week of June be decreed International Blogging Vacation Week. We don’t blog shit. I’m in if you’re in. Please alert all blogs, immediately, via your blog.

ON TO THE CONTEST
The person who sends me either (a) the most disgusted tirade about blogging, or (b) their own personal blog which has been neglected for the longest period of time receives a five cd package of my choosing. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. But you might be. Hell it’s free, what have you got to lose. Roll the dice and send it to [email protected]. Maybe one of my relatives will post it for me while I’m on vacation. LET THE CONTEST BEGIN!

Where is the juice? The juice is on Melrose Hill. It drains westward, down the hill, eventually pooling into the most exquisitely glistening coagulations in the cracks here at Western and Melrose. It’s true. Believe it! I’ve seen it.

Goudy! Times-Roman-alike with yon diamond-studded i’s!

Goudy! Preferred font of wedding invitations worldwide!

Goudy! Nowhere to be seen on the above Goudy Billboard!

Excluding the ‘VistaMedia’ branding, there are six distinct fonts on the Goudy billboard, and nary a one of them is Goudy. Where is the justice in this cruel, cruel world. Let’s take a closer look, then, shall we? We shall:
»continue reading Fontwatch: When Goudy Shuns Its Namesake

Luscious Jackson gal
Waxed about The Days of Yore
I yawned more than once