In an era when the digital landscape is becoming increasingly Thirty-Mile-Zone-ified, no local writer has ever been able to write so eloquently, seemingly effortlessly, consistently, hilariously, or wholeheartedly insidery about Hollywood and, broader, the entertainment industry as a whole, as Mark Lisanti over the course of the last four years at Defamer, and so it is with not a small pang of sadness that we raise a glass of André - his drink of choice - to his announcement this evening. We wish you nothing but the best. (At the same time, we’ve already put two-and-two together; we, too, saw the recent open call for writers over at LA Taco - another editorial favorite - we’ll keep our eyes glued to both sites just to be safe.)

Sometimes T has a lesson to teach you fools! Holidays are times for burying the hatchet. Now before you fools go gettin’ ideas about burying a hatchet in someone’s head, quit yo jibba jabba and listen up. Back in the day, T was starring in his own television show and asked his spookiest friend to be a guest star. She responded by callin’ T’s agent on her car phone and tellin’ him she was booked for Halloween on another show… a show with 2 fools ridin’ around on motorbikes arrestin’ people in tight pants on the freeways of California. Now T don’t know what to do. He’s mad as hell, but never hits a woman. So when Daniel Franzese invites him to his Hollyween art opening many years later, T decides to do the right thing and bury the hatchet with his old friend.

“ELVIRA! I aint one to call nobody a fool, but you chose Ponch over Mr. T!”

“Ohhhhhh……. Mr. T… fancy meeting you here, my muscular little pal.”

“ELVIRA, It’s time to pay the piper. Mr. T demands an apology!”

“Ohhhhhhh……Mr. T, you still look just as BOOtiful as…”
»continue reading Mr. T Visitor Guide: Elvira Incident, Hollywood

Above: Larchmont backyard resident Oscar dry-tests a spanking-new Devellen™ costume Wednesday following water, a biscuit and a brief nap. Oscar, a good boy, walked all the way to Aah’s!! in Westwood Village to purchase the costume, one of five left in the city at the time of purchase. The pint-sized costumes were hastily created to satisfy rampant demand following recent developments between Ellen DeGeneres and the Pasadena-based Mutts &Moms adoption agency. It is unclear at press time whether Oscar considers this year’s costume choice an ironic social statement, an outrageous icon-bashing front, or simply the costume de rigueur for his class.

Recently Jeannette stumbled upon a rare, yet acute, strain of Koreatown English which we are more than happy to pass on to you, faithful reader, with the hopes that you may - if nothing else - call the FDA Seafood Hotline for more information. At the end of the day, the oyster consequently in constitution which is the possibility of getting up and allergie.

LOSANJEALOUS (Losanjealous):: Our network of informants has gleaned that Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters, who blew up the Fonda Monday prior, are running around the Valencia Town Center with fake mustaches as part of a self-described “70s inspired soap opera” video shoot right this fucking minute. Across town at this same time in your cubicle sources report you are shunning Excel, replying succinctly albeit politically to three e-mails while being mindful to carbon-copy your boss, reading losanjealous.com, considering stretching the legs for a third (!) cup of coffee in the kitchen and beginning to think about lunch.

Grainy, topical, on-set photos after the jump. Note Spaceland-inspired drumkit backdrop. (Thanks Renee for the pointer!)
»continue reading FOO WATCH: Grohl & Company Sporting Fake Mustaches In Valencia Right This Fucking Minute

Note: We sent Carlie on special assignment for this. We were not disappointed.

»continue reading BREAKING: Village People Get Selves Clean, Have Good Meal @ San Diego Street Scene, 9/22/07

Thank you for your well wishes, cards, mp3s, press releases, requests for coverage, chocolates and oki-dogs during our growing pains.

Los Angeles is a melting pot, so it’s no surprise that there are foreign-owned small businesses whose storefront signs are sometimes lost in translation.

There’re also the businesses that disregard conventional rules of advertising and make up their own.

Then there are businesses with storefronts that are so out there, you can’t even speculate on what the fuck they were thinking.

My best guess? It’s an all-age dance club where the bouncer won’t let you in unless you’re dressed as a deranged serial killer. That’s a real shitty guess. So I have no clue.
»continue reading Signs You’re In Los Angeles

As a non-subtle reminder Losanjealous constantly mines, sorts and processes the cruddiest cell phone photos ever taken, weekly, for your cheap enjoyment. Friday, the week’s most egregious is bestowed the honor CRAPTASTIC CELL PHONE PHOTO OF THE WEEK.

From: [redacted]
Subject: Garbage Truck Pissing on Minivan — Melrose Under the 101
Message Body: Blackberry Pearl

Craptastic photos! Better late than never, right? Good lordy what a morning. You guys have really outdone yourselves this week. You blew up the inbox with aplomb and have caused me much laughter. I’m proud of each and every one of you. I said it.

Regrettably we cannot publish every photo that we receive (too many fucking photos), but I’ve singled out six of the best. I won’t lie: #1 is in the running for Craptastic Cell Phone Photo of the Year™. That’s bigtime. Enjoy your Friday, denizens…and your weekends.
»continue reading Craptastic Cell Phone Photo of the Week: THE GARBAGE TRUCK IS PISSING ON THE MINIVAN

Los Angeles! The cityscape is peppered with frontage oddities, to be sure. Façaddities. You got that big record stack in tinseltown. You got a whole swath Normandie-style dwellings from the 1920s that could only be described as castle-rific, mid-city. You got houses on stilts built right into the sides of the damn hills. You got that nefarious Addams Family-looking thing up on Franklin. You got locksmith shacks. You got statue shacks. You got shacks, man. What I’m trying to say. You got mixed media: Yesterday I drove past a taco truck in Highland Park situated underneath a very old, very heavy permanently-fixed sign advertising the verysame taco truck squatting beneath it. You’ve no longer got Clifton’s Pacific Seas, but Brookdale on Broadway keeps the memory alive. You got the Marina Del Rey Courtyard Marriot (8 state-of-the-art meeting rooms), and you got Oki-Dog. Oddities man. They’re out there.

Curbed LA recently did a bang-up job of tracking down the ugliest building in Los Angeles, and we thank them for it. However a few facades have transcended their earthly kin and entered that hallowed, highest echelon of facadeness: Goofiness. Let’s examine three champions now. One’s a house, two are apartments.

1) El Bordello Alexandra
Venice Beach is home to many things. Dragon decor is but one. This apartment complex on Westminster became increasingly foolish during the 2.72 years in which I lived around the corner. At present it’s a façaddity you would be hard pressed to top.

»continue reading Frontage Poll: The Goofiest Facade Of Them All

Big ups to reader Creepy Dan who heeded the call, made the gig, got the shots and in the process won a 3-cd prize package from the Losanjealous music library.

Full review by Creepy Dan and more depressing photos after the jump.
»continue reading READER EXCLUSIVE: Frank Stallone World Tour™ Begins In Palms Dive Bar

This is not a competition for the all-around best hot dog in LA. You can find a hot dog served in any conceivable manner in this city, there’s a dog for everyone. Is a Chicago-style hot dog better than any other hot dog you can find or make? Even though it all comes down to personal preference, the answer is still yes. It’s so good that every time I eat one with a newbie, they all say the exact same thing, “Damn, homey just smashed it.” It’s so good that it puts your life in perspective.

The Chicago-style hot dog has strict criteria. It’s a Vienna Beef Hot Dog with mustard, chopped onion, relish (neon green in color), tomatoes, sport peppers, celery salt, and a pickle all served on a poppy seed bun. Eating one will keep you going, eating two will take you out, eating three is suicide, but at least you’ll go out with a smile.

To have a solid basis of comparison for the competition, I ate at some of Chicago’s finest hot dog stands such as Portillo’s, Wrigleyville Dogs, Hot Doug’s, and Wiener’s Circle. Wiener’s Circle had the best looking dog, so we’ll use it as the standard.

There are so many toppings that you can barely see the hot dog.

I excluded Oki Dog, Skooby’s, and Papoo’s because they don’t serve a Chicago-Style. I also left out Portillo’s in Buena Park because it’s in Buena Park.

The competitors are: QT’s Chicago Dogs, Carney’s, Rubin’s Red Hot, Weiner Factory, Pink’s, The Stand, and Taste Chicago. They’ll be ranked on authenticity, price, and overall taste.
»continue reading The Best Chicago-Style Hot Dog in LA

LOSANJEALOUS (Losanjealous) :: Via the anonymous tip wire today comes the as-yet-unconfirmed news that Frank Stallone (brother and esteemed sparring partner to the one and-only pudding-slinging thespian Sylvester) will rock the UnUrban Coffee Shop on Pico Boulevard Tuesday evening, July 10, with full Frank Stallone Band™ in tow.

The anonymous inside source also advises this will not be the first time the Stallone-infused grouping will have mounted the miniature stage at UnUrban of late, having last taken the wee stage June 26. The band was further spotted at Cinema Bar in Culver City last weekend, in part of what appears at surface to be an extensive tour of the tiniest stages on the west side of Los Angeles. Catch the act now while it’s still being polished: Come Labor Day, Stallone takes the dogs and ponies all the way to Atlanta for Dragon Con.

Dragon Con.

For the love of god somebody please turn out tomorrow, snap a few quality photos and review the gig for us. We are begging you.

You can get Thai Food anywhere in LA, but Palms Thai is the only place where you can watch Thai Elvis perform while eating your Pad See Ew Noodles. I recently sat down with Kevee Thongprecha a.k.a Thai Elvis for a Q&A after his nightly performance at Palms Thai.

Losanjealous: How long have you been singing at The Palms?

Thai Elvis: Six years. But I’ve been singing since 1957. I used to sing when I was in Bangkok.

LA: Did you do shows over there?

TE: Yes. I used to go back every ten years to do shows in August. It was always sold out. But I haven’t been back since 1991.

LA:What was the biggest audience you ever had?

TE: Silver Dollar, Las Vegas 1978.

LA: How many people were there?
»continue reading Five Minutes With Thai Elvis

Not to be outdone in the marketing blitz department, Los Angeles hogs the 7-Eleven-turned- Kwik-E-Mart concept with two stores — one in Burbank (shown here), the other on the Westside. Poor Middle America. Poor Springfields of the world. They won’t be able to breeze past Marge Simpson and Comic Book Guy on their way to buy a 6-pack of “Buzz Cola” for $3.99. They will have to use the powers of their own imagination to see the freezer geezer on their way to buy ice. They’ll never know the true taste of a real, live, three-dimensional Squishee (tastes cartoony) — and they’ll never have an Indian gentleman at the cash register warn them against brain freeze at the purchase of said Squishee. Yes, that really happened.

Now they’ll never see the movie.

To promote “The Simpsons Movie,” 7-Eleven is turning 12 of its stores into Kwik-E-Marts. This is the Burbank installment at 1611 W. Olive Ave. More photos after the jump.

»continue reading A Good Day For A Squishee

THE GROVE (Losanjealous):: One of our hundred-dozen field reporters sends in these topical, in-the-moment photos of the overabundance of noontime fools denizens currently serving time outside the Grove Apple Store as they anxiously await the six o’clock hour this iDay.

[WARNING: COMPLETELY SFW PHOTOS AFTER THE JUMP…]

»continue reading Grove To Self: Today’s iPhone Clusterfuck Goal In Full-On OutFuckingPerform Status