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Why I Love Traffic

By Ryan - Friday July 07th 2006

Traffic

As I sat in my car on the way to Belle and Sebastibowl ‘06 it came to me. Santa Monica to Hollywood. 12.7 miles. 1.5 hours. 1.5 hours. 12.7 miles. 12.7 miles. 1.5 etc.

I am seriously. Seriously considering going the motorcycle route. Oh yeah. I want to be one of those guys who shares lanes, scares the bejesus out of everybody he passes and arrives windy fresh and on time, every time.

12.7 miles. 1.5 hours. This after even my shiftiest of crosstown maneuvers. Missed most of the Shins set. Didn’t matter. The evening was stellar. Arriving at the bowl was akin to a family reunion: Suddenly I’m surrounded by old coworkers, new acquaintences. New faces I would know well before night’s end. Even Dave Hart was there.

Bitching no longer works, friend. Gone are the days I gripe about it. Does anybody remember Valentine’s Day? I sure as hell do. How long did it take me to get home from work. Four hours? Seven? Eighteen?

Bitching no longer works, friend. I saw a movie last year called What The Bleep Do We Etc. The movie annoyed me, but the premise was spectacular and the premise was this:
If you stare at a petri dish full of water and think angry, dark thoughts, traffic will suck.
If you stare at a petri dish full of water and think positive thoughts, traffic will not suck.

I think the positive. Do this exercise with me. Fill in the blanks in the comment section.

I love traffic because ___________________.

I love being in my car because ___________________.

I’ll start. I love traffic because it gives me time to think. I love being in my car because it forces me to listen to the full album in lieu of cherry-picking the favorites. Oh yeah. Find the deep cuts. The gems I’d forgotten about.

Print your credo four times. Affix to fridge. Dashboard. Bathroom wall. Above your bed. Only together can we affect change.

Winding down after the bowl now. Two fingers of whiskey on ice. Bacharach on vinyl. I look forward to the morning commute.




What now?

15 Responses to “Why I Love Traffic”

  1. Posted by Nick 7/7/06 at 9:52 am # Reply

    I love traffic because it delays me from getting back to work.

    I love being in my car because it allows me to listen to books on tape and act smart.

    I love Losanjealous.

  2. Posted by thenotic 7/7/06 at 11:00 am # Reply

    I love traffic because i love being in my car.
    I love being in my car because i love traffic.

  3. Posted by Jumpcut 7/7/06 at 12:00 pm # Reply

    Traffic Haiku:

    I love the traffic,

    It makes me feel so LA,

    Traffic I love you.

  4. Posted by oliver 7/7/06 at 12:01 pm # Reply

    Here’s a vote for the motorcycle route—just be careful!

  5. Posted by (MV) Pete 7/7/06 at 12:32 pm # Reply

    I love traffic because it makes me appreciate my wacked-out sleep schedule, which allows me to dodge it completely.

  6. Posted by thedaniel 7/7/06 at 12:41 pm # Reply

    go the motorcycle route – it’ll change the way you think about transportation. here’s a piece i wrote not long after buying mine: http://neoglam.com/?p=24

  7. Posted by Melissa 7/7/06 at 1:11 pm # Reply

    I love traffic because it gives me time to think of all the shit I have to do at work that day (which I really should’ve planned out the night before).
    I love being in my car because I can get it as cold as a meat locker on hot days (hooray for a/c!).

  8. Posted by cindylu 7/7/06 at 3:36 pm # Reply

    I love traffic because:
    1. It’s a fabulous opportunity to just watch people.
    2. Music, music, music. And sometimes news.
    3. Air conditioning (as Melissa said).
    4. Car games (if I’m not alone).

  9. Posted by sirimiri 7/7/06 at 8:10 pm # Reply

    Go moto. I did back in 1996, it was the best decision I ever made. Upon returning to LA in 2002, I went “cage only” for about 3 full years. My sanity ebbed, I drove like an @$$shole from the aggregate road rage.

    But now I’m back on a bike and all is bliss…..

    1(800) CC RIDER for your nearest California Motorcycle Training class. Do it.

  10. Posted by (MV) Pete 7/7/06 at 8:21 pm # Reply

    I too have seriously contemplated getting a motorcycle, but I think my mother would fly out here and break one of my arms just to make sure I couldn’t ride it.

  11. Posted by Alex Mills 7/8/06 at 8:10 am # Reply

    Motorcycles are the only way to go. If I had to deal with that traffic shit, man… and what’s gas cost out there now? In the midwest, it’s $2.99, and I love getting 60 MPG…

    But I do wish I was out in LA sometimes. Even with the traffic.

  12. Posted by mair the intern 7/9/06 at 9:52 am # Reply

    I love traffic because I get to text message and have conversation with friends I haven’t spoken to in a while.

    I love being in my car because I like the sun roof but I fear that when birds pass they will poop on me.

    I really don’t like driving or traffic. That’s why I take the train to work and I took the red line from downtown to Hollywood and Highland. However a young anarchist punk rocker who does now shower and who looked like he was covered in soot and bugs sat next to me the whole ride up and i had no where else to go so I stayed there are covered my face in order to breath. But still, the occasional smelly person makes me dislike public transit, but I will still take the train and bus to work. mac and cheese mair

  13. Posted by mistahgroovy 7/9/06 at 4:43 pm # Reply

    Must I remind you of the spill you took during an ill-fated Manhattan beach bikeride of yore? Collarbones be damned – your Gary Busey-like helmet will be the only thing that might protect from certain death. Deal with traffic, not with the Grim Reaper.

  14. Posted by santos. 7/14/06 at 12:41 am # Reply

    you know the world’s turned upside down when i took fairfax to hollywood blvd during rush hour to get to h+h and got to the hollywood bowl, all in under half an hour.

  15. Posted by Damien Goodmon 7/17/06 at 6:56 pm # Reply

    A solution to traffic.

    40 Billion Dollar Rail System:
    http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j142/damienwg/goodmon_final.gif

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