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Laker Girls Tryouts: Secrets to Success

By Ron - Wednesday July 20th 2005

Laker Girls

Laker Girls tryouts are this Saturday.

Aside from the posted requirements, Paula Abdul wannabes should probably take into account the demographic mix towards which the Laker Girls appear to strive. Take a look at the above photo of last year’s squad and note exactly two short-haired girls, two redheads, two Blacks and two Asians. If you fall into any of these buckets the odds are stacked against you. If you’re a Black/Asian mix with short red hair stay home.

Everyone else should study by watching the made-for-TV movie Laker Girls starring Tina Yothers. I have no idea what the movie’s about but if I had to guess I’d say it would follow the same plotline as My Fair Lady:

A meanspirited Lakers exec bets a colleague that he can turn the homely Tina Yothers into a Laker Girl. It actually works and the dude falls in love with her. She finds out about the bet and tells the guy to fuck off but they get back together in the end.

If you make the final cut, you’ll have the opportunity to jiggle your goods in front of millions and hear the Lakers PA announcer say “LLLLLLLLaker Girls” at the end of each routine in exactly the same tone and cadence as a titty bar DJ announcing a stripper’s name at the end of a dance.

Laker Girl Auditions
Saturday, July 23
Registration begins 9:00 am
Healthsouth Training Center
555 N. Nash St., El Segundo




What now?

18 Responses to “Laker Girls Tryouts: Secrets to Success”

  1. Posted by Alex P. Keaton, Republican Asshole 7/21/05 at 10:51 am # Reply

    I just did a google image search for “Tina Yothers” and YIKES. Them pics ain’t flattering 20 years on. What the hell were we thinking in the 80’s?

  2. Posted by Andrea Santillan 1/20/06 at 1:52 pm # Reply

    How old do you have to be to tryout?

  3. Posted by Ron 1/20/06 at 9:47 pm # Reply

    18 and life you got it
    18 and life you know
    Your crime is time and it’s
    18 and life to go

  4. Posted by HB 7/25/06 at 9:05 pm # Reply

    Are there any make-up try-out dates???

  5. Posted by crystal 3/15/07 at 11:43 am # Reply

    wow… losanJEALOUS, how appropriate.

  6. Posted by Kecia Johnson 4/10/08 at 5:05 pm # Reply

    Hey my name is Kecia Johnson and im 23 years old. I graduated from USC in 2006 with a degree in neurobiology. I am now attending Cal Berkeley for grad school. Ive been Cheering/Dancing since i was about 7years old. I would love to try out to become a Lakers Girl..

  7. Posted by Chelsea 9/11/08 at 7:58 pm # Reply

    Hi, I am Chelsea and I am 19 years old..And I am very interested in trying out for the Laker’s Girls! If anyone has some information, I would greatly appreciate it..Thanks!

  8. Posted by Chelsea 9/11/08 at 8:00 pm # Reply

    I have also been dancing for about 8 years..and I love it..

  9. Posted by adriana 11/18/08 at 9:01 pm # Reply

    how old yoh have to be to become a lakers cheerleader?

  10. Posted by adriana 11/18/08 at 9:01 pm # Reply

    how old do you have to be to become a lakers cheerleader?

  11. Posted by Danielle 12/1/08 at 7:55 pm # Reply

    Hey! My name is Danielle and I would love to tryout to become a LAKERGIRL. Can you please send me some information.

  12. Posted by Danielle 12/1/08 at 7:56 pm # Reply

    Hey! My name is Danielle, i’m 19 and I would love to tryout to become a LAKERGIRL. Can you please send me some information.

  13. Posted by secretarykissinger 12/1/08 at 8:19 pm # Reply

    also, i have american girls for sale as well as the american ferret litter box play set and the american girl tina yothers edition with real hair and a smart mouth. so cute!

    Danielle

  14. Posted by sasha 12/21/08 at 5:09 pm # Reply

    Hello, my name is Sasha. Im 21 years old.I love music and I love to dance AND I LOVE THE LAKERS…if you could tell me when the next tryouts are for 09/10…that would be great….

    Sasha

  15. Posted by Liz 1/21/09 at 4:36 pm # Reply

    Hi! My name is Lizzette and I would love to tryout to become a LAKERGIRL some day. Can you please send me some information.

  16. Posted by Erica Torres 5/14/09 at 7:39 pm # Reply

    Is it acceptable to have a certain tattoo in order to try out as a LAKERGIRL

  17. Posted by Lupe 6/5/09 at 6:37 pm # Reply

    Hi, I want to try out for the lakergirl, can you please send me some info for the next tryouts. thanks

  18. Posted by Ann 7/20/09 at 8:15 am # Reply

    The Laker Girls are required and willingly participate in WEEKLY charity events and appearances, some with the players. They cannot fraternize with the players, and this is a very professional, conservative (L A-style, that is) organization with extremely high standards for talent, fitness, and experience (most members have danced pre-professionally–that means a ballet background, not a cheerleader background)for over 8 years. Most are college GRADUATES. They are paid $100 an hour for appearances, and that’s a great wage, huh? In response to “take a look at the above photo of last year’s squad” I would say these are the only ladies who could actually speak, read, and write the English language.

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