Laker Girls Tryouts: Secrets to Success

Laker Girls Tryouts: Secrets to Success

Laker Girls

Laker Girls tryouts are this Saturday.

Aside from the posted requirements, Paula Abdul wannabes should probably take into account the demographic mix towards which the Laker Girls appear to strive. Take a look at the above photo of last year’s squad and note exactly two short-haired girls, two redheads, two Blacks and two Asians. If you fall into any of these buckets the odds are stacked against you. If you’re a Black/Asian mix with short red hair stay home.

Everyone else should study by watching the made-for-TV movie Laker Girls starring Tina Yothers. I have no idea what the movie’s about but if I had to guess I’d say it would follow the same plotline as My Fair Lady:

A meanspirited Lakers exec bets a colleague that he can turn the homely Tina Yothers into a Laker Girl. It actually works and the dude falls in love with her. She finds out about the bet and tells the guy to fuck off but they get back together in the end.

If you make the final cut, you’ll have the opportunity to jiggle your goods in front of millions and hear the Lakers PA announcer say “LLLLLLLLaker Girls” at the end of each routine in exactly the same tone and cadence as a titty bar DJ announcing a stripper’s name at the end of a dance.

Laker Girl Auditions
Saturday, July 23
Registration begins 9:00 am
Healthsouth Training Center
555 N. Nash St., El Segundo